A Tattoo Not Worth the Pain

Today I had lunch with a friend at Olive Garden. I mentioned how super sexy this tatoo was when I saw her in the lobby and of course it doesn't take any time to guess who we got to sit right next to! But at least now I can share the beauty with everyone.

Today it is a poor excuse for a tatoo around her thigh...when she's 80 years old it will be a poor excuse for an anklet!

She's Bringin' Sexy to Home Depot

There was something to appreciate from every angle! I never did figure out what she was doing at Home Depot…but she was staring at the batteries for a really long time. Maybe she was there for the "Build a Birdhouse" workshop.

Fuzzy Summer Boots!!!

Again with the boots! It's JULY in TEXAS. It's 99 degrees today. Really?

Trojan Man Goes Camping

I don't really see a problem here. Even the Trojan Man goes camping!

Tights Vs. Leggings

Someone doesn't know the difference between tights and leggings. These suckers were so close to maximum capacity I didn't want to get any closer to take a picture. I was too afraid she would bend over and create an image that would scar my psyche forever.

Wrong + Wrong

Ok so here is the debate. Tim says I'm wrong...but I say she's more wrong...



Sure I'm taking undercover pictures...but she's wearing those...and I guess I should add...we are standing on the front porch...of a FUNERAL HOME!!!!

Holy Accessories!!!!

Much to your surprise no doubt, I had a good friend in high school that was Pentecostal (yeah…I was pretty much the same way I am now…she was my good influence…she tried). So I know the drill…no make up, nail polish, or jewelry. But there were other things they would use to be "unique" and show their style. Funky glasses, big hair, and some loud patterns seemed to be a few of the things I noticed them use to look "hip."

Ok…but I have never run into a Pentecostal woman that made me stare like I was looking at a 3 legged man. If I had to put a "title" to her bangs I would call them…."ski slope." The whole thing was like a huge piece of head art really…there were curls and little pieces sticking out…it was like prom night! Then…throw in 4 inch, red patent-leather strippers shoes. Put that with the bright gold patchwork Coach bag and sprinkle a little plaid shirt with ruffles down the front and a clown-like collar (which matched the ruffle along the bottom of the knee-length denim skirt) and I gotta tell you…this girl takes her accessorizing to a whole new level.

When she pulled out the hot pink zebra cell phone I pretty much had to look away…I was getting ill from the mixture of patterns.

A Rare Political Post

I figured this was one of those many bogus forwards I get bashing Obama, or Bush, or whoever is president really. Since healthcare has been an expensive part of our life...and my husband works tirelessly for those who otherwise would have none...this really struck a nerve. Clearly I am not the type of person who would share...if I wasn't seriously disturbed.


View this article for yourself at: http://www.scrippsnews.com/node/42183

Sexy Skinny Jeans

She has no idea how super sexy she is.I don't know who she is waiting for ... but he is one lucky man! This is a perfect example of making skinny jeans out of not so skinny jeans.

Hooker Boots in June?

It's mid-June in South Texas. The heat index is like 200 degrees. Where does she think she's going with her short shorts and backpack with her hooker boots. Well...she thinks she's perfectly dressed for a trip to the mall...I think she is perfectly dressed to go hiking with the Pussycat Dolls...(or any other group of dancing hookers).

Seriously Sexy

I would hope that every other woman would be just as repulsed as me by what you see here. But my hopes would be dashed. Turns out...he's actually been bred not once, not twice, but three times! Yup, there are three more fine examples of the specimen you see before you. I'm sure the maternal DNA couldn't be much better...seriously...it's just gross...and they weren't even that clean.

P.S. He was happy to tell me...and didn't even wonder why I was axkin.'

A Dangerous Game

For some reason they were making floats right by the front door at Kroger today. I didn't find this to be the best idea or location. The girl asked if I was interested when I walked in. I explained I wasn't interested in eating anything her fingers had been in.

I noticed when I was leaving this little boy feuding with his inner good vs. bad. He seriously wanted to cut in front of this woman. I finally said quietly to his mother...who was in her own hamster ball and oblivious to what her child was doing..."hey lady, your kid is about to partake in a dangerous game." Ya just don't come between that kinda woman and her ice cream.

S & M...a Family Store?

Does anyone else find the name of this place disturbing or is it just me?

Big Pimpin,' Gangsta Style??

I was getting gas today and noticed this dude pull up. At first, it might have been the Jag that caught my eye…but then…oh my did he think he was "big pimpin.'" I mean, seriously, if he thought any higher of himself, his entire head would have exploded. He pulled up to the pump, all laid back in the car (with his head struggling to see over the dash like some disfigured giraffe) with the windows half down (because that makes it cooler looking…even though…it makes it hot as hell)…and then went in and paid for his $3.00 worth of gas (seriously? Where you going dude?). I was actually taking a picture of his footwear mishap…I mean how "gangster" can you be with a white sock/flip flop combo? I had NO IDEA I would step into something WAY more valuable comically…


So let me get to the good part…the best part…was what I saw as he drove away. I chased him down the interstate at break-neck speed to get this picture…I feel like it was worth it...

Confusing the Senses

Ya know how weird it is if you eat/drink something and it tastes different than you expected? Like if you ordered Diet Coke but you got iced tea. You take a big slug of it and go "oh my God that is nasty!" It might be perfectly fine tea...but your senses weren't prepared for tea.

Well...it happened to me today. I kinda expected this to taste like Scope.

Scary Visual

I was getting all bummed because I hadn't come across a good photo opportunity lately. Then today as we were standing in line waiting for the barely-speaking-English Asian saleswoman to commiserate with two of her fellow Asian women about how she is tall and they are short (I still don't know what the debate was…maybe since she wasn't short…they were saying she wasn't Asian? I'm here to tell you…with an accent like that…she's Asian).

Anyway, I was just thinking about how this is five minutes of my life I will never recover when all of a sudden I hear Tim say (not as quietly as he should have or meant to) "Whoa! There's an image I didn't need right before lunch."

So the five minutes wasn't lost after all…a photo opportunity indeed. We spent the next few minutes trying to decide if she was buying for herself. Actually, I was hoping she'd pick up a hot pink thong and make it an even better post.

Shoulda Known Better

I waited for a few minutes to see if the chair was going to make it. Clearly it was at maximum capacity. I am a believer that when your ass looks like it could swallow the chair...and when you forget that you are carrying a pack of cigarettes in your armpit...sitting on your butt in front of Jackpot Party is just not where you need to be.

She also became a victim because of her habitual nose picking. Warning...3rd floor at Isle of Capri...Jackpot Party in the North corner...not a machine you want to play before dinner;)

Used Umbrella for Sale!!!

Since it was so utterly bizarre, it caught my attention. I was forced to go inside and inquire about the "used umbrella" I explained that it just so happens I have been LOOKING for the perfect used umbrella! "It must be my lucky day," I said excitedly...the obviously less than brilliant girl was totally confused...so I left…umbrellaless. Duh. Read your own sign you moron. The sign your car is parked 10 feet from.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day (overheard at the table next to us)

Small child: Can I have a Diet Coke?

Obese Mother: No, you've had a soda today. You can have pink lemonade.

Seriously? Apparently the mother's decision is based on making her child's ass look as delightfully plump as her own? You cannot have a diet coke my child...here, shovel in some sugar instead!

Spreading the Joy

I've decided that since my "Shoulda Known Better" facebook posts have entertained my friends, I should really share them with the world beyond BookFace. After all, since I am risking my life (seriously, have you seen the sheer size of some of these monsters) by taking these pics...shouldn't everyone get to enjoy the comical value of poor wardrobe decision making?

Anyway, since I haven't kept up very well with my actual blogging...again the ADD distracts me...I'll start posting some of my daily thoughts of the day and pictures too...and I promise...I'm trying to get remotivated to blog again...really...I am.

Roach Killer or Interior Designer?

So many funny things have happened during this remodeling "adventure" but the experience has pushed me to a point of exhaustion that prohibits my brain from blogging…not to mention the 1/2 inch splinter in my left pointer finger keeps me from typing. But alas, today the humor was too good not to share.
I've been up since 2 a.m. I have been painting since 6:30 a.m. This information is relevant only in that it may help explain my state of mind and maybe so you will be impressed at my restraint.

So the Orkin guy arrived around 8 a.m. He is a tall, lanky fellow…who is missing many of what I refer to as "critical" teeth (meaning ones that are located in the front) and those that he does have are all jockeying for a position directly in the middle where they are proceeding to rot. I explained to him upon his entry that I hope for his sake this is the worst sight he sees today (the condition of the house, not the bugs because there don't seem to be any yet).

He walks in and quickly starts to tell me about his own remodeling project that has been underway since Hurricane Rita. I don't know exactly how long that is…but I'm guessing he isn't a very speedy worker. He tells me about his pink bathroom and I show him mine…he describes his orange tub and I show him mine…this continues as he sprays. We end up in the kitchen and he looks at the floor and says "Man I really like this tile!" He said it with such enthusiasm as he leaned in for a closer look at the worn and tattered linoleum that I personaly find to be more of a hideous optical illusion that should have seizure warnings. He continued with "y'all has done some nice work in this kitchen!"

Now for all you nice do-gooders I will have you know that my mouth graciously thanked him for his compliment…but my brain was SCREAMING for me to speak…and it said…(in the voice of Stewie) "Well for heaven's sake good man, do let me run to the bank right now…I'm going to cash in my retirement, drain my savings, and steal whatever the little old lady at the counter has too! Let's get you out of this drab brown uniform and launch you into the interior design career you deserve!"

See what being nice did? It kept this man from his calling!