Today is a good day to stay in and make some progress. I was told today was trash day so I got up at the crack of dawn to empty as many boxes as possible. As I hurriedly carried out boxes (all of the contents was covering every square inch of surface available inside), I noticed the man across the street walking around his house, as if inspecting the slab or maybe taking his daily measurement of grass growth, and drinking his morning coffee. In an attempt to be a good neighbor, I threw him a nod and he returned by raising his cup like we were making some silent toast. It was still pretty early when I heard the familiar sounds of the trash man…and I was more than impressed with myself for compiling quite a mountain of boxes in the center of which was the big green can…filled with wadded up newspaper.
I came back inside to realize that what a complete mess I made. It is difficult to find a place to start when you don’t even have a place to stand…but I dug in my heels and thought to myself how surprised Tim would be to see so many boxes missing when he gets home from work. After I heard the truck pass…I looked outside…and was very disappointed. My mountain remained. I looked up and down the street and indeed everyone else’s cans were empty. Maybe there is a recycling truck on its way to get my boxes? A few hours later, my curiosity grew. I halfheartedly googled Beaumont trash pickup…who woulda thunk the sanitation department would have such an informative website? My answers were there…they don’t pick up any trash not in the can…CRAP! What an ass…he was making a toast after all…toasting the new neighbor who was carrying out boxes with such gusto…in her jammies…only to be forced to make each trip again…to return the boxes to the garage…defeated.
I did make progress today and decided to even make a pan of ziti for dinner. As Tim was outside mowing our new backyard so Jovi could poop without being violated…and I was inside cleaning lettuce and making a salad. I threw a few little pieces of lettuce down the disposal and cranked that baby up…WOW! After 5 years of what a plumber called “the cheapest piece of crap you could find” for a disposal…this sucker was awesome! I could hear the lettuce being violently obliterated as it slipped from view down the sink. It worked so well, I sent a few cups of noodles down too and sang a little “goodbye noodles” song. Little did I know, I should have opted for the “see you in a bit” song. After the dinner dishes were done I went to the laundry room to empty just a couple more boxes to wrap up the day. As I reached for a box…there it was…the lettuce I annihilated just an hour before…on the floor…surrounded by a puddle…which was creeping dangerously close to so many boxes I didn’t know which one to save first. It got even better …not only was there a puddle on the floor…but the wall was soaked as well. After Sherlock came in to investigate, he found a drain by the washer line had been spouting up water…probably since we moved in. Lovely. Tim chimed in with his new favorite phrase… “Glad it’s not my house!”
Now how could we wrap up a day as exciting as this? After cleaning the chewed noodles and lettuce off the laundry room wall…the dogs drove me to the brink with the Small Dog Smackdown until I agreed to a walky. We leashed them up and dodged the speedway drivers in the dark…always good for an adrenaline rush! I figured some warm cookies and a hot bath would be a good nightcap and went straight to the kitchen to make it happen. I thought it was weird Tim walked in the front door and grabbed the vacuum cleaner from the hallway and was following close behind me. I grabbed my cookie dough and spun around to the counter…and then I saw it…right there…on the coffee pot... “HOOOLY SHIT”…bigger than any I had ever seen…although it has been years since I had ever seen one at all...what some refer to as a water bug…but what I call a supersized cockroach. Now you may be thinking “get a grip…it’s a bug.” Um…no. This was no bug sized bug. This was a monster…a mutant…it could carry off a small child...or dog. I grabbed my dogs and quickly ran to seek shelter while Tim whisked in to suck him up and carry him away. He was amazed by the size and said “he musta been really old to be that big!” Like what the hell do I care how old he is? Was there a bunch of balloons on the mailbox or a Happy Birthday Bug sign on the door? I think not…tonight I sleep with one eye open…and one finger on the trigger…
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