I was so excited on Monday morning. Why? Because it was my designated “heavy trash” day which means all of these boxes…which (as you will remember) I have carried to the street and then back into the garage…should have disappeared for good. I thought I heard a truck a few times but, to my dismay, every time I looked out the window…the boxes looked back. So by the time Tim got home, it had rained a good bit and a big wet pile of boxes greeted him. My thought was…maybe they don’t come when it rains. Maybe they will just come on Wednesday when it is trash (and grass clippings) day. After all, the very informative website said my moving trash is considered heavy (I don’t know why because the boxes are empty) and it will be picked up on the 2nd and 4th Monday (use full weeks). I feel like I need a damn degree just to calculate my trash pick-up days…Anyway, the boxes did not move on Monday.
Nor did they move on Tuesday. In fact, when I left to walk the dogs…I think they laughed at me.
Wednesday arrives and I figure certainly the boxes will be leaving. I took out a few more to add to the family and wished them all well. Again the trash truck came and went at the speed of sound and I rushed to the front window to remind myself what the empty driveway looked like. HA…HA…HA…It doesn’t look empty at all!! It looks like a mountain of used boxes doused with rain and dried to irregular box-like shaped lumps of wet cardboard!!! YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME…right? I’ve had it with this…they took my little green can and emptied it and then put it back by the pile of boxes AND my bag of grass clippings (which is clear). I decided it was time to call someone.
So I again read the very informative site and found the phone number. I explained we were new and could not seem to get our schedules in order with the trash pick-up. She interrupted me to ask my zip code and matter-of-factly stated our “heavy” trash day would be next Monday (again with the heavy…the boxes are flying down the street with a slight breeze).
ME: “Oh, I thought it was this Monday.”
YOLANDA: “Well, it’s not.”
ME: “Ok, so what about our yard clippings?”
YOLANDA: “That is on regular trash day.”
ME: “So that would be today?”
YOLANDA: “If today is your trash day.” (isn’t she the one with the damn schedule?)
ME: “Well, it is, but they are still out there.”
YOLANDA: “Is the bag beside the trash can?”
ME: “Well, no matter where you place them, they will be beside the trash can…it really depends on what direction you are looking from.” (now I'm having some fun)
YOLANDA: “But is the bag behind the can or beside the can”
I can stop here right? Is this insane to anyone else? Apparently, like the diagram (yes, diagram) on the very informative website states…the items must be separated and 2 feet apart…side BY FREAKING side.
I called and informed Tim of his error and scolded him for not doing it right. He instantly made his excuse but, unlike his usual excuses, this one made perfect sense. If he were to pile things 2 feet apart in a side-by-side fashion…how would he get OUT of the driveway?
At any rate, Yolanda was not much help and the boxes will sit there until
a. they are picked up
b. they fly away or
c. they disintegrate.
Of course there are more than just these 3 outcomes…they could spontaneously combust, be carried away by aliens, or I may rectally deliver them to Yolanda.
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